Category Archives: Amuse Bouche

101 Reasons Why This Post May Seem A Little Short

 

101. You might be a really fast reader. Congratulations on that, Speedy.

100. You might have glossed over a few as you went along. It ain’t the same as reading, Bub.

99. You mistook this post for “202 Reasons Why This Post May Seem A Little Short”. It isn’t.

98. You passed out for a bit while scrolling. It happens.

97. Life is so precious that it hurtles by at a blistering pace.

96. Something about rodents. Anything.

95. Look over there!

47. Huh? What? Oh…nothing.

46. Too much caffeine can be bad for your stomach. Just saying.

45. I still find it hard to believe that salsa outsells ketchup.

36. I lose focus easily.

35. I probably didn’t think this through before I started.

34. I rarely, if ever, review my work for errors before publishing.

29. I wish soda came in glass bottles more often, because I like the sound they make when you blow across the top of the bottle.

28. I am easily entertained.

25. I rarely, if ever, review my work for errors before publishing.

24. Republicans

23. Obama. Not the President, but this guy I used to know who ran a convenience store up the block from me many years ago. I think his name was Obama. Oh, no…wait. It was Rick.

19. I haven’t seen the movie “Twins” in quite a while.

14. *whistling*

13. Democrats

6. *incoherent mumbling*

3. Carnation Instant Breakfast.

 

 

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Dollhouse Tales…Of Horror!!!

It’s time again for another installment of Omaha, Nebraska’s favorite family. Consider, if you will, that this seemingly benign dollhouse may also be a portal to another dimension. Tonight is Halloween and the portal will open wide, creating a pathway for the unknown, the unexpected, the things that are kinda expected but when it happens you are still like “Whoa! I thought I was expecting that but it was still sort of shocking when it happened!”

The Fooferturds have entered…The Seriously Messed Up Zone!

Our story begins on All Hallows Eve.

Spooooky! Spooky Spooky Spooky!

Continue reading Dollhouse Tales…Of Horror!!!

Dollhouse Tales: Volume One

Every other day or so, Little Pink demands that I play “dollhouse” with her.  It’s cool and all, but I last about five minutes before I run out of dialogue for my character, which is always the grandmother.  I mean, I am ALWAYS the grandmother.  For the life of me I cannot understand why.

Anyway, this time I decided that I would spice things up a bit by enlisting LP’s help in designing a dollhouse photo shoot.  I grabbed my phone and we put together some scenes. I may have added a couple of scenes of my own to keep things interesting for me, because I have the attention span of person with ADD who does not take his medication.

The house at dawn.
Dawn breaks at Dollhouse Manor

Continue reading Dollhouse Tales: Volume One

Winter Sucks Monkey Butts!

I know, I know. I’ve been slacking. It has been three months since I’ve posted anything on here and that was just a bizarre tirade about a Toyota commercial. The truth is that I have been very busy trying to raise my children and keep them entertained while, for the most part, keeping my sanity during the cold winter months. My wife will tell you that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder… and she would be absolutely correct. I think she does too, but I won’t tell her that because she is horribly grumpy in the winter months. I kid, I kid…but really, it’s true.

In truth, I have just been spending the last three months closed up inside, watching Netflix and eating, all the while dreaming of sunny skies and warmer temperatures. Occasionally I would take the dog outside. This was usually accompanied by swearing at the cold and pleading with the dog’s bladder for rapid elimination.

So, to sum up: I hate winter. I hate winter in Ohio. I hate the cold. I hate the cold winter in Ohio. That is about all I have been up to lately.

Oh, and yoga. I’ve been doing some yoga.

Everybody Cut…

Being someone who spent their formative years firmly entrenched in 80’s culture, I spend a great amount of time watching music videos and movies about break-dancing.  This led me to believe, for most of my early and teen years, that I could overcome any obstacle simply by luring it onto a dance floor.  This led to several unfortunate knocks to my self confidence later on in life.  I have now learned that there is not one damn thing that I can defeat by dancing, unless it is someone else’s lack of something hilariously unfortunate at which to laugh.  Spinning on my head will not convince the land developer not to destroy the teen center.  And there is absolutely no way, and I mean no way, that you can defend a lady’s honor by moonwalking.  I really wish that last one would have been made part of my sixth grade curriculum.  That would have saved a lot of blood loss.

There is no real point to today’s post.  I am busy dealing with post vacation blues along with a litany of other issues.  None of these problems can be dealt with by dancing either…unless drinking is involved, but I think that in that case the drinking would be more beneficial than the actual dancing.  Oh well, back to work.  I got a major project on my desk that I’m going to try firing a few well placed groin thrusts and a “running man” at before I give up and just put a spreadsheet together.  Real life sucks.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

I am excited.  Today we are loading up the Family Truckster and heading to the beach.  I’m not sure what I am going to do with all of the unstructured free time, but I think I will figure it out.  It’s probably something I should get used to anyway.  We are driving down at night, so the girls (hopefully) sleep through the trip.  Not that we aren’t packing a full entertainment arsenal in the van: DVD player, MP3 players, etc. with headphones so that Daddy can concentrate on pounding energy shots and bad gas station coffee.  East bound n’ down, ya’ll!

Starting Monday, while I relax, enjoy some old posts that I dug up from a previous incarnation of Fatherness.  I had fully intended to repost this stuff once I had this new blog up and running, but didn’t.  So enjoy the reruns.  Not to be confused with Rerun, even though this blog is totally what’s happening!